You Weren't There When I Needed You The Most

I don't have a friend to talk to.

I know I sound like an isolated person from an unknown island. Pathetic.

I don't know how to share my problems with my friends. They don't even know what I've been through. Am I secretive much? Not really, because I've typed everything here. The thing is, though I post my hard feelings on Facebook, I don't really feel like telling them everything when they asked. I would rather keep it to myself, and few minutes after that, I would post it in this blog. What's the difference?

The difference is, communicating through FB needs Q&A's session. Long session, it is indeed. In this blog, I'll tell whatever I feel that is comfortable to share, only. Simple.

And one more thing is, I'm sorry. I don't trust anybody. I mean, backstabbers are everywhere. Sometimes, people ask not because they really care. But they just wanna know what's actually happening to you, such as, is your relationship status still okay or you know, things like that.

Like, when you change your relationship status from "in a relationship" to "single", you'll receive 150 comments on FB. But when you talk about your heartbreak and how you actually need some courage and support from someone, nobody is really there. NO COMMENT.

Silent.

Is that what you can do?

March 11 has left a terrible mark in Japan’s history when a massive 8.9 richter scale earthquake struck off without a single warn, which is said to be one of the most powerful one ever recorded in history. And of course, as expected, a tsunami wave then followed, sweeping away their shelters, vehicles, even ships and planes, crashing everything down. A 10-metre tsunami wave, people. What else do you expect than a series of major damages and of course, deaths?

Who knows that it was going to happen? It was indeed a very unpredictable attack. Nature, people.

Everything is pulling away in a blink. Family and friends are separated. Some for a while, some forever. And yet, a series of aftershocks follows. From the quake, to the tsunami to the crippled nuclear reactors. Allahu Akbar.

This is when humanities show. It’s a sad when idiots are making fun of that massive disaster. I’m sorry to call you idiots. But you know, you think about it yourself. What’s the point of making stupid jokes at crucial time like that? If you think you can’t help out with anything, just STFMU. You don’t need to let the whole world know how stupid and heartless you actually are. Pray for their safety, it is not that hard I guess. Though we’re in different religions, doesn’t mean we can’t do anything about it. This is not about what races you are, or what religion you have faith in. This is about humanities. There are Muslims Japanese too there, you know.

I’m not being overly sensitive over this matter. But, at time like this, we don’t need to hear all those craps. It’s not something that you can play silly jokes with. They lost their family members, some died, and some are missing, shelters, a place they called home.

Making good use of my ability

I was having a boredom killer chit-chat with my office-mate yesterday, let me named her Kak M. It was just a random talk, we went here and there, in and out of the topics, but she got me thinking. She said I’m still young, and that I need to do something better for my future. She has been working here for 9 years, and it’s such a very long period, and she said that she’s getting bored of everything already. She’s counting years to officially retire.

I told her frankly that to further my study is not an impossible choice for me, I still can further my study somewhere if I want to. Problem is, I don’t feel like studying anymore. I’m tired of my daily routine already, how can I get a good time to study and prepare for exams like when I was still holding a “student” title. It’s no longer the same. I know it’s possible for some people, if others can do it, why can’t I, right? *Please nod* . But here, I’m talking about ME. Not that strong other people.

I know my limit, my ability, I know what I can do, and what I can’t. She was trying to convince me, but you know, convincing me is NOT an easy task. Trust me. Once I had my own opinion, and what I thought best for me, it’s me to decide. Well I’m not saying I don’t wanna listen to others opinions, but people can say anything. It’s me who needs to face it, right? *Please nod*

I don’t want to get bad exams results, I want to get excellent grades, not a B, I want A’s. I don’t want a C, at least B’s. I mean, I do aim high for that. I don’t want to waste my energy and time for something that’s so unsure, and that I’m hesitate to do at this very point of time. So instead of thinking of continuing my studies, I have something in mind, which is to polish my natural skills and abilities for something that’s worth it.

Well, I’m definitely looking forward to it, and I don’t wanna tell you what. *HUHU*. Don’t be so busybody la people. Hahaha. *Kidding*Kidding*. I wanna do something I’m good at, I need to develop my interest to another point, and do something meaningful instead of practicing my routine. I mean, IT IS ROUTINE so what do you expect? I do it everyday, maybe ‘till I get old. Errr bored.

Anyways, her advices got me moving. I hope this feeling of enthusiasm lasts long.